legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
