She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
