I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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