I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
