just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
