Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
