Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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