hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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