so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
