After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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