Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
