i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
