Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They took my balls.
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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