I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
