Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
