the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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