I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
