i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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