need another drink. this is the easiest way
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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