Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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