I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
