Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We had to coat check the pizza.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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