As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
