Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
