i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
