I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
