He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
