I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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