You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize