Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
