Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
