I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
