I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize