He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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