And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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