There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
