So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
