Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
