What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
