I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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