Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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