When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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