My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
worst night to have a conscience
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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