Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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