I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
