I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
