I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
