i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
