East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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