This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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