I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
