Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
