Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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