Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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