Apparently you make a good broom.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize