All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
