fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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