I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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