Swine flu. Run for my life!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
