I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
