she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
