Its about making memories worth repressing
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
