nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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