this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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