I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
