90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
